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RuPaul's All Stars: S3E2 A Tale of Redempshunt

Juan DeSilva


Juan DeSilva is just a boy, standing in front of a wig, wanting to snatch it.
posted by Juan DeSilva on Feb 2, 2018 10:30am | comments

   

Hey now. It's All Stars. Get your fame on. Let's play. I just watched episode two with my corgis Kremy Ma, Uniqla, Minerva, and Shan't, and we have a few thoughts. But we're gonna keep it cute. Like Meemaw Ru, we do sassy but we don't do bitchy. But also we also aren't sure of the difference. Ochre? 

The Good

This week's main challenge had our kwane's turn the diva up to elevent, as they were commanded to embody the Divas of the Dead Sea VH1 Scrolls. While some floated along the surface like so much dead fish, others truly rose from the death drop to slay again. 

For exshample, Bebe Zahara Bonet's Diana Ross wig floated divinely through twinkling space like gravity was nothing but a Sandra Bullock vehicle. That rolling wave of tight curls bobbed and weaved so powerfully that Sonny Liston felt it in the afterlife. Star of wonder, star of might, the drag queen under that wig didn't have to do much more than shrug that night. 

Honorable mention in the imposter category goes to Ben De La Creme, whose downtown Julie Andrews supplied the swag that choreographer Todrick Hall demanded, against all odds. Would you ask De La to give you swag? I wouldn't ask her to use it in a sentence. But she did it. Points! 

The second runway challenge was a Ru-Demption challenge, which empowered the DQ's with a backsie, a do-over, a re-interpretation of a previous fail. And nobody redeemededed it like Kennedy Davenport's iced mocha chocolata yas grill, head to toe in white with diamonds on her face, face, beauty face. Jewel wishes she could jewel like those jewels. Davenport gave us ice queen so hard she snatched Aslan's mane and he died upon the stone table once more. 

Gorl. She shut down the diamond mine. Miss Kennedy not only bejazzled her whole face but blendjazzled her neck, too. I believe Julianne Moore said it best in The Big Lebowski: "She's very thorough." 

The Bad: 

Milk, Milk, haterade. I want to dunk a cookie in that tall glass of man when he's out of drag, but I want to put her in a dunk tank when she's in full geesh. Milk got a full piece of tonight's edit just to throw a hissy fit because she thought her Celine Dion was hot shit, but everybody else knew it was just cold poop emoji. Relax, bish. Humble pie does a body good, too. (Call me)

Thorgy Thor! You were tasked to give us Stevie Nicks realness, but you were just taxed. You gave us "Tyra_Banks_we_were_rooting_for_you.gif" realness. You gave us "It All Falls Down" "Tell me that ain't insecure" realness. You gave us "I am Nina Bonina Brown's Heartbreaking Self-Defeat" realness. It was a real mess. And I know so many people who would have been given life if you just believed in it, gir. That's a sad violin that you played yourself, because you played yourself. 

The Henny:

Shangela JUMPED ROPE on the runway and it was beyond sickening. It was healthening. She served fruits, veggies, and legumes. Shangie's got one hand in her pocket full of Hawthornes and the other one is holding a multivitamin. My corgis' life expectancies tripled having seen that.

Aja deserves credit for taking it to the next level this season. Her redemption look took it from Toon Town to Jessica Rabbit at Coachella.  If she keeps this up she could very well add her  rock and roll to the Hall of Fame. 

But who won't be making the cut in episode 3? I'll let Trixxie Mattel get the last word on that: "Next week it could be me, it could be Shangela... probably Chi Chi."

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