|RuPaul's Episode 11|
posted by Sashay & Chante on Apr 11, 2012 10:30am | comments
Sashay & Chante
These two divas call Philadelphia home and are ready to tell it like it is. They're teaming up again to take on Season 5 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Sashay and Chante are local celebu-"taunts" who love Philly, martinis and men. On any given day, you might catch them sashaying and chanteing their fabulocity around the City. Oh yeah, and on Wednesdays, they wear pink."
Large and in charge. Chunky yet funky. This week we said goodbye to one of our favorites - Latrice Royale. Hope you all sopped her up like a biscuit.
Chante: Well my prediction for top three was wrong. I thought Sharon would go home, but per usual, she dominated the runway...to Phi Phi's dismay...also per usual.
Sashay: Yes girl, yes. But before we get to the challenge, let's discuss... the puppets! I was gagging over Chad's snaggletooth Phi Phi puppet. Is it available on ebay?
Chante: Ooooh girl! Phi Phi was not happy about that either. Well Chad certainly served it to Phi Phi. First with the puppet and then with that bloodhound.
Sashay: Phi Phi getting matched with a bloodhound was appropriate. After all, that bitch is out for blood.
Chante: Yes she is. She was serving true cunt realness too.
Sashay: Agreed. And one thing is certain, that bitch don't like a liar.
Chante: But wasn't nobody lying. She doesn't like being read. Bitch will dish it out in a minute but can't take a little criticism.
Sashay: Trust. Phi Phi needs to recognize that ain't nobody like an evil queen... except maybe Walt Disney. Moving on – As much as I enjoyed Latrice. This heffa is up for a reading.
Chante: I could use a good story.
Sashay: Well settle down girl cuz the library is open.
Chante: Tell it.
Sashay: Latrice Royale- $100,000 is on the line and you show up to a drag competition with your friends Polly and Esther? Your outfits were a hot mess. Were you channeling the busted, crazy neighbor character from some low-budget Tyler Perry movie or Monique's character in Precious? Your daytime look was straight up now tell me - ghetto! You looked like a middle-aged Septa bus driver dressing up for a night on the town.
Chante: Werk. And can someone please have a conversation with that bitch about her foundation. Are we going for black geisha or orangina realness?
Sashay: Yes, if black don't crack, why do you got all them lines bitch? Forget 5 G's, take two B's - Blend Bitch!
Chante: Yes mama.
Sashay: Next topic. What was with Ru's outfit this week?
Chante: I rather enjoyed her trashbag chic look. Ke$ha obviously styled her.
Sashay: No honey child, she was serving up John Travolta in Battlefield Earth… with a touch of Predator.
Chante: Good point. A water resistant dress would be necessary in case of alien invasion...or blood on the runway...ya never know with Ms. Needles.
Sashay: Something tells me they wouldn't care if aliens came down and took back Michelle Visage. Speaking of things we don't care about, I loved how the queens stood up Dita Von Teese in the Untucked episode. Dear Dita, no one gives a flying fuck about you.
Chante: For real, girl. She wouldn't have added a thing to the episode anyway.
Sashay: Agreed! Sidenote, speaking of things we don't care about... Does anyone give a shit about Eden's World?
Chante: Hell. To. The. No. Moving on to the top three - I think we have a true battle royale on our hands.
Sashay: Yes, only I'm disappointed that next week will be a re-CRAP episode. Leave it to Ru to resurrect the clip show episode. I haven't seen a recap since the Golden Girls when they'd show a bunch of clips of Rose looking like an idiot followed by clips of Blanche sounding like a slut.
Chante: Well, it'll keep the anticipation building for the grande finale. But I will say that the last thing I need is to relive the travesty that was Jiggly Caliente.
Sashay: True girl. Can I get an amen up in here?
Chante: Now hold on Sashay. I ain't takin' it to church just yet. Any prediction on the winner?
Sashay: I'm rooting for Phi Phi. That bitch is hungry. If she don't win, I think she gonna bite somebody!
Chante: Oh no, girl. I hope she is the first to get the boot. As much as I love Sharon, I'm gonna give it to Chad. That veteran queen deserves the crown.
Sashay: EVERY queen deserves a crown.
Chante: You most of all, Sashay.
Sashay: Agreed. Now gimme that Amen girl!