|RuPaul's Drag Race Episode 12|
posted by Sashay & Chante on Apr 25, 2012 10:00am | comments
Sashay & Chante
These two divas call Philadelphia home and are ready to tell it like it is. They're teaming up again to take on Season 5 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Sashay and Chante are local celebu-"taunts" who love Philly, martinis and men. On any given day, you might catch them sashaying and chanteing their fabulocity around the City. Oh yeah, and on Wednesdays, they wear pink."
This week, Ru failed to crown a queen and Sashay and Chante are pissed!
Chante: Girl what in the hell was that about? I cannot believe Ru pulled that shit.
Sashay: Yes girl. She could have at least given us a heads up. And she better tell us why Willam was kicked off.
Chante: First of all, let's talk about the fact that this week's episode totally sucked. The queens were barely even challenged! Ru has clearly lost her touch and having us wait until next week was her attempt to keep us interested...and it's working.
Sashay: This week was a Whore Bore. Sharon couldn't dance. Phi Phi insists on overacting every scene she’s in.
Chante: ...and the girls' choreography basically consisted of them stomping about. I could’a choreographed that...and I'm MUCH cuter.
Sashay: Halleloo. . . they should have used a hot choreographer in this episode... or brought back the hot photographer. Hell, the pit crew wasn't even in this episode!
Chante: Everything was a hot mess, including Ru's runway outfit. I'm sorry...what was that...bumblebee realness? Ru, that's already been done by Manila Luzon...thank you very much.
Sashay: Polka dot? More like polka NOT! Alright girl, let's bring it back in. The good news is that Ru may have realized the error of her ways. I like the idea of letting the fans vote for the new queen. However, when I went to my voting place on Tuesday, none of the girls were on the list. The closest thing I could find to a monster like Sharon was Rick Santorum... and he's not even running anymore!
Chante: Please hontey. Do you honestly think us Racers really have a say in who wins? You know damn well Ru has already filmed the reunion special and crowned the queen.
Sashay: Well, I think it’s high heel time that Ru let’s the fans vote. Ru's choices in the past have been rather off since Season 1 when Nina Flowers should have won.
Chante: I wholeheartedly agree with Ru's poor decision making. The only wise choice she made was crowning Raja.
Sashay: Bitch please! Raja showed her true colors last night when she showed up looking like shit. Let's read that bitch for the piece of filth she is. Raja is nothing but a stylist with connections. Last night her ensemble looked like she got it from Goodwill’s dumpsters and put herself together in about 5 minutes. Her outfit was poorly fitted and the proportions weren’t right. Her wig looked like Party City circa 1980. She still can't alter her voice, which she admitted... the first truth she's spoken in the last two years. That heffa was twice as mean as Phi Phi could ever try to be.
Chante: So, you don’t like Raja?
Sashay: I’d LIKE to see her eaten by zombies.
Chante: Listen Sashay, I'mma need for you to CALM DOWN!
Sashay: You ain’t even gonna agree she looked and sounded a mess last night?
Chante: Raja is my queen. She can do no wrong in my eyes. And…what.
Sashay: I'm glad the cops took your license away Chante, because you shouldn't be driving with eyes that bad.
Chante: Did you get the memo about calming down? If there's anything our tens of readers know and love, it's that Sashay and Chante rarely agree.
Sashay: True, even when you can't argue with the truth, Chante finds a way.
Chante: Well when it comes down to it, next week should prove to be an interesting reunion special. Are you willing to make a final prediction on who will be crowned?
Sashay: I’m predicting Sharon Needles. I think the fans love her and she's brought something new to drag.
Chante: My prediction is Chad Michaels. She deserves the crown. She's fierce, qualified and serves true CUNT.
Sashay: See what happens when Ru fails to crown a queen? Total chaos! Sashay and Chante are about to come to blows. Is this what America needs right now?
Chante: Well it's more entertaining than this week's episode!
Sashay: Can I get an Amen?