Fashion for Dummies…Section 101

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

First of all, I’d like to say happy fall to my fellow savvy readers of my quirky, yet, amusing and knowledgeable fashion column. I’ve been a few places this past summer and I noted all too many fashion errors throughout various states in the East Coast. For the sake of generousness, I will leave those states nameless. For now that is. After my shameless review and detailed deliberation, I was able to compile a list titled, “Top 20 Do’s and Don’ts for Fashion Dummies”. I anticipate this brief and informative list will assist you in your everyday travels throughout the fashion oblivion. Read this list slowly and carefully so as to not miss a dang thing of this vital information.

1) Read this one twice: DO NOT wear white after Labor Day! Especially white shoes! Have you ever seen “Serial Mom”? Enough said.

2) Be cautious when wearing black and brown together. Most people don’t know what they’re doing and usually screw up the whole damn outfit.

3) Save some accessories for another outfit; actually, several outfits.

4) Always invest in a brassiere that fits completely and properly. Fluff is never good.

5) Shun “Mom Jeans”. What’s Mom’s Jeans? They usually have the same wash as Wal-Mart jeans with pockets high up on the butt and spaced far apart. I’ve seen both women and men wear these jeans and they are just WRONG!

6) Turtle necks were in some time ago, but not today; maybe in another ten years or so. For now, please let em’ go.

7) Now I’ve heard many complaints about this one, thus I am inclined to mention them…those dang Jesus sandals! You know what I’m talking about and you know who you are. I’m mad that people even thought they were in and go as far to where them with any ole’ thing. No! Enough is enough.

8) Just because it’s a blazer doesn’t mean it goes with everything! Please don’t try to dress up an outfit by throwing on a blazer. It has never worked and it never will.

9) Do not wear a long sleeve shirt with shorts. Are your arms cold and legs hot? This outfit is dead give away that you’re indecisive and there is no way this is a fashionably correct statement. If in fact your arms are cold (LOL), try sporting a trendy jacket.

10) Some think it is cool that they have a belt to match every pair of shoes in their closet. It may very well be cool to own such a various belt collection, but you should draw the line somewhere. Not every color should be worn that consistent in one outfit, especially when your outfit is bright as your colorful accessories, i.e., blue slacks with a yellow belt and matching shoes! Absolute no-no.

11) Avoid “party” shirts altogether. What is a “party” shirt you may ask? I have tenaciously labeled those hideous, multi-coloreds, floral, Bahamas mama, printed shirts that should only be worn on a cruise (not even) as the infamous “party” shirt. I strongly suggest not wearing these shirts gents! I must admit one of those babies could most likely remove the sexiness of Brad Pitt.

12) If it has an elastic waistband, leave it on the rack!

13) Remember to wear colors that compliment your skin tone. Do not just buy any color because “it’s your favorite”. Maybe you can try accessorizing with your “favorite color”.

14) Promo shirts should not be worn with dress slacks and/or khakis. How can you possibly justify that? Save the Coca-Cola and Pepsi shirts for relaxed attire or a rainy day at home.

15) I am fully aware that the 80’s are back; however, this is no excuse to invade your older brother or sister’s, or even worse your mom’s, attic full of ”things remembered”. Check out what the 2007 designers have to offer first and you might change your mind.

16) Please do not consider the fashion tip, let you hair match your outfit, in a literal sense. Enough said. I hope.

17) Going somewhere important? Not sure about an outfit and you don’t have a second opinion? Your best bet is to not wear it! Don’t explore the fashion world when going somewhere important such as an interview, because you maybe making a fashion, as well as, a career mistake.

18) No offense, but capris are definitely in-style; please remember though that after a certain height they are high-waters.

19) This is your fair warning before I call the fashion police…NO BIKER SHORTS!

20) I must convey that I am somewhat mad I even have to mention this one, so lets label this as, Last But Not Least: Ditch the fanny packs! They have never been in and they will never ever in a million lifetimes be in. Women carry a purse. Men you might as well carry a purse too because you’ll definitely look ten times better with that.

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Happy birthday to my lovely and lively Libras! HPY BDY 2 me…Sept 28

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