I don’t know about you, but my Gay-Dar evaluation is usually way off or, in most cases, simply dead wrong, especially among women! I just cannot vividly identify who’s “family”, “fair weather friend,” or playing for the “other team.” I think it’s only fair I define these terms, as I completely understand not everyone is up to par, as they should be regardless of age, with current slang. Now if you don’t know what Gay-Dar means, you ought to be ashamed, but for those who don’t, it means an ability to detect whether someone is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight. I am sure the term“family” is familiar to most, but again, to those who remain clueless, it is defined as an individual who belongs…somehow…to the LGBT community. A “fair weather friend” refers to someone who admittedly or not dibbles and dabbles in the bisexual lifestyle. Those lucky son-of-a-guns enjoys the best of both worlds! The terms “other team” in a family sense means that the individual is straight.

Now you are probably sarcastically inquiring, “What the heck does this have to do with fashion?” Well, actually, little do you know, these terms have everything to do with fashion when attempting to utilize your Gay-Dar. Admittedly, my friends and I often, usually inadvertently, play a game which I personally call, Fashion Tell-Tales. I am 99.9 percent sure if you are reading this column you have played this game before. Let me spell out the rules and the how-to-play to confirm your familiarity:

1. You have must two (2) or more players;

2. During a leisure stroll, regardless of the setting, each player must take turns guessing whether or not a passerby is family, fair weather friend, or on the other team;

3. All or most of the players must agree with your decision in order for it be valid and the passerby to be confirmed as the sexual orientation stated by the player attempting to identify he or she;

Did I lose you yet? If so, read one (1) through three (3) again until you understand…moving on

4. Score keeping is an option, but whomever has the most agreeable identities, will be known as the Gay-Dar specialist. The prize? From here on out all of your friends will now be comfortable asking you to confirm someone’s, perhaps a romantic interest’s, sexual orientation. Don’t take your position lightly because you can make a drastic err!

As previously mentioned, I completely suck at the game of Fashion Tell-Tales, so I asked a few friends for their opinions as to how to identify who’s who. The list below may be able to help you identify the sexual orientation of strangers, friends, family members, or even coworkers…

You know he is gay when he…

• owns a man-purse. I don’t care what anyone says, there is no such thing as a man-purse! A purse is a purse. Don’t be ashamed.

  Putting the word“man” in front of purse is what makes it a bad thing. Trust me.

• owns a pair of sneakers with Velcro instead of laces. I believe enough is said.
• owns a pair of mom-jeans. times could be financial difficult for some, but wherever you bought those mom-jeans I am positive they had a men’s section.
• owns mesh or any fabric similar he’s definitely gay!
• wears a vest without a jacket and/or shirt!
• refers to his barber as a “stylist”
• never lets you touch his hair
• owns any sateen trousers
• wears a thumb and/or toe ring
• shops at H & M.
• styles his hair in a manner that hangs low and covers his forehead, which is also known as, a bang, yes he is gay.

You know she is a lesbian when she…

• wears a lot of leather but does not belong to a motor cycle club and/or actually owns a motor cycle.
• puts her hands in her pockets because the poor soul doesn’t know what to do with her hands. Don’t worry I do it too; someone pointed out my habit and as first I was so self-conscious now I don’t give a *#!&
• owns and wears a fanny pack. This can be confusing though because some people are simply making a fashion faux pas.
• owns a lot of sports paraphernalia. This is a legitimate argument because I personally love sports as much as the next straight man, but I have better things to spend my money on.
• is still rocking a mullet hair-do! Whyyyyyyyyy!
• has more sneakers than your younger teenage brother. What straight woman needs that many damn sneakers? I doubt Flo Jo even had that many.
• is a grown ass woman, now we’re talking 30+, still wearing cornrows. Is that look considered professional now-a-days? I’m just asking because I’m not sure.
• has locks in her hair, contemplating locking her hair, or just started locking her hair. This goes for the fellas too. I think this is the new fad amongst the LGBT community…too bad because it’s such a permanent decision.
• owns any graphic print tee shirts with cartoons from the late 80’s or early 90’s (i.e., Rainbow Bright [my personal fav LOL], Ninja Turtles)
• does not know her bra size! This is definitely a butch in training…she probably owns a whole bunch of sports bras.

You know he’s straight when he…

• wears the same three (3) outfits week after week. No gay man would allow
  his on-looker to become familiar with his entire wardrobe in a matter of
  days.
• does not own a pair of slippers and/or bathrobe.
• does not own a watch and uses his cell phone as a timekeeper.
• wears a tee shirt as a part of his every day apparel.
• never heard of H & M.
• is in terrible need of a workout but still wears a tank top or wife-beater in
  public.
• owns one (1) belt.
• does not own at least one dressy outfit or suit.
• owns more than two (2) pairs of Timberlands or some type of work boots.

Your know she’s straight when she…

• owns a pair of clogs.
• owns and wears overalls and does not have country accent.
• thinks that being dressed includes wearing any garment as long as it’s
  ironed.
• only wears one (1) bracelet, ring, and necklace.
• does not know where all “modern” places are to shop for clothes, shoes,
  and accessories.
• is a bridesmaid and wears whatever hideous dress the bride has chosen. No
  flamboyant lesbian femme would be in public wearing a catastrophe.
• does not invest in maternity clothes during pregnancy. And No scrubs do
  not count as maternity clothes. I don’t care how comfortable they are.
• only wears a sports bra while exercising.

Now with all the above listed stereotypes and clichés, what category do you fall under? Do you wish to fall under any category? Why not? Should we be more self-conscious about being typecast? Should we care? Regardless of your answers, I encourage everyone to be themselves! It does not matter whether or not you fall into a category, especially in regards to fashion, your ultimate goal should be happiness which I believe is somewhat reflected by how you fashionably present yourself. Contrarily, fashion should not consume your every thought but be viewed as a perk to improve the quality of your life. In other words do not worry about what other people think, do not spend money you don’t have on the latest fashions, and do not fret about falling into a stereotype or clichés because guess what…in my opinion there’s also a category of “Trying to be Different”, which is probably more obvious than any other cliché in existence. As always, thanks for reading and thanks for the continued support.

Peace and love,
Dee