The Post-Rapture Guide for the End Times Ahead

If you’re reading this, I have some news for you. You haven’t been Raptured. I know. I’m as surprised as you are. I was all set to ditch my pudgy corporeal form and get whisked up to heaven in an incorruptible, and presumably toned, body, to spend the rest of eternity chugging mimosas and learning to play rock songs on the harp. Alas, we were not the chosen ones, and now we’re stuck here to face the storms, earthquakes, hurricanes, and whatever other geologic activity and weather patterns that once represented natural phenomena but are now gleaming signposts of the approaching apocalypse.

Pool Side in Philadelphia

I’m not a huge beach guy. I mean, it’s really pretty to look at. But even when I go with the most seasoned beach lovers, I still get impatient, sweaty, coated in sand and just generally irritable. A walk down to the ocean really just involves jellyfish, seaweed and shells ripping up my feet. Sorry. I can deal, I just don’t love it.

Fantasies During Sex

One of your recent polls asked: ‘Which causes you the most anxiety around sex?’ and I was surprised by my own answer: ‘the psychology.’ I have always really enjoyed sex, and sex with my current boyfriend has been the best I’ve had to this point. However, we’ve been together for about a year and a half and I it is gradually getting harder to focus on the act and keep my mind from wandering. I start thinking about what I’m thinking about… I’ll be approaching orgasm thinking ‘Is it sick for me to picture having sex with someone else right now? What does that mean about our relationship?’ What do you recommend for the overly analytic fornicator?”