Picture this.  I was 17 years old, and I was dressed like the Pope.  So, it was Halloween night in the late 90s, and my lesbian aunt and her longtime wife's annual party was occuring.  I knew that I had to put thought into my costume because all of their way-cooler-than-me gay Center City Philly friends were going to be there in Sewell, NJ.  I was in a head-to-toe Pope costume, clad with a bible, the long hat, and the big red and white dress that the Pope usually wears.  I had holy water in my pocket.  I took it seriously, because my Aunt Patti and Aunt Romi were my idols.  I wanted to impress them so badly.  At 17, I never had met anyone cooler.  They had cool jobs, knew stuff about life, dressed awesome, and were really confident and funny. And they were gay, just like me, and they were the only people that I knew were 100% open about it, in 1997.  Patti and Romi were more than open; they were the cool relatives, and the party didn't show up until they arrived.  No jokes were cracked until they strolled in, late usually and cool as a cucumber.  They were vegan, which was WEIRD then, and my super Italian family, although non-judgmental, would read them to filth for putting veggies on their grill at every family summer event.  It was a loving relationship that my whole family had built with Patti and Romi, so I took everything very seriously, including their Halloween party.  They were God 1 and God 2, and I was their biggest fan.  So my little Ford Probe was waiting patiently for me outside, while my 17 year old self perfected this Pope-look.  I was nervous to be around all these hot late-30s dudes who all had cool lives, perfect faces, and effervescent pre-9/11 personalities.  And they all treated me with respect, and kind of knew my big gay secret, without ever mentioning anything invasive. Looking back, I viewed this party kind of like an Oklahoma nerd going to New York City for a Saturday night.  It was everything to me…this annual event.  It was the gayest night of my year, and I needed it.  

My mom gently took her glasses off in the kitchen.  I remember this moment so clearly.  My mom looks so much like Princess Diana, and in the lighting in my parents' kitchen, she always looks so regal, perfect lighting for a Princess.  She took her glasses off, and I was met with her ice-blue eyes and a question.  She asks, "Don't you think it's weird that you're invited to this party, and we aren't.  And Dad and I are so close to Patti and Romi?"  BOMB, OMG, WHAT, HEART ATTACK.  What the hell was she asking?  I was shaking, in a way that I had never shook before.  "Here we go," I thought, and I looked her in the eyes and said "I'm probably Bi."  My dad enters the room, and I almost felt like this was a Gaytervention.  He was waiting there, that little sneak!  He says "If you are gay, Mom and I love it and we get it, and if you want to talk about anything, we're here.  We love you, Josh."  They were both looking at me, waiting for a word, waiting for anything.  What do I say back?  What is my facial expression?  Does it match my trembling body?  I said "Fine…Gay. You're both crazy," with a forced-laugh.  They kissed me and went about their business.  I drove to Patti and Romi's big gay party, and I walked in and said to everybody really loudly, "I just totally told my parents that I'm gay."  That night was not Patti and Romi's big gay Halloween party, but more so Josh's Big Gay Coming Out Party, but everybody wore a costume.  And I was the Pope.  I lost the bible that night.  

Josh Schonewolf is a Philadelphia-based promoter who organizes Ratchet at Tabu Bar and Songbird.