The Love Boat

When was the last time you did something new that you talked about for weeks to come? Are you tired of the same old faces and scene? Do you want to take advantage of gorgeous summer weather dancing your ass off to the best music from the last three decades all the while enjoying the views of the waterfront? Let’s go. I mean it. That’s an order. Oh, and save a dance for me.

The Post-Rapture Guide for the End Times Ahead

If you’re reading this, I have some news for you. You haven’t been Raptured. I know. I’m as surprised as you are. I was all set to ditch my pudgy corporeal form and get whisked up to heaven in an incorruptible, and presumably toned, body, to spend the rest of eternity chugging mimosas and learning to play rock songs on the harp. Alas, we were not the chosen ones, and now we’re stuck here to face the storms, earthquakes, hurricanes, and whatever other geologic activity and weather patterns that once represented natural phenomena but are now gleaming signposts of the approaching apocalypse.