The Post-Rapture Guide for the End Times Ahead

If you’re reading this, I have some news for you. You haven’t been Raptured. I know. I’m as surprised as you are. I was all set to ditch my pudgy corporeal form and get whisked up to heaven in an incorruptible, and presumably toned, body, to spend the rest of eternity chugging mimosas and learning to play rock songs on the harp. Alas, we were not the chosen ones, and now we’re stuck here to face the storms, earthquakes, hurricanes, and whatever other geologic activity and weather patterns that once represented natural phenomena but are now gleaming signposts of the approaching apocalypse.

Pool Side in Philadelphia

I’m not a huge beach guy. I mean, it’s really pretty to look at. But even when I go with the most seasoned beach lovers, I still get impatient, sweaty, coated in sand and just generally irritable. A walk down to the ocean really just involves jellyfish, seaweed and shells ripping up my feet. Sorry. I can deal, I just don’t love it.

Bottoms Up

The summer is coming very soon, and we all want to be in the best shape possible to flaunt our sexy bodies at beach. We can’t deny that we find attractive a nice, round, juicy butt, and regardless of your sexual position, you can have a BIG BOTTOM too.