Greater Philadelphia GOAL (Gay Officers’ Action League) sponsored a Gay Night at Citizens Bank Park on June 17, 2024. A hot summer night was blessed by sunshine during the day. Our own Philadelphia Phillies won 9 to 2 over the visiting San Diego Padres. It was a great testosterone-fueled event. Greater Philadelphia Goal is an organization that supports LGBTQ+ public safety professionals and military members. 

The game looked to be tense as San Diego played a strong game, but by the third inning, Divine Intervention delivered the night to our strapping lads. A two-run home run was quickly followed by a three-run homer, and that was that. If we still followed the customs of Ancient Greece, Kyle Schwarber, Trea (T2) Turner, and Christopher Sanchez would have eye-catching nude statues of marble and bronze erected to commemorate their victories. As it so happened, their god-like splendor on the field, forcibly corporeal, splendidly corpuscular, created a tsunami of aerosolized androgens which bathed the ballpark and its audience, like the spring pollen coats our cars. Every man’s microbiomes were stoked this evening. San Diego didn’t have a chance when faced with our home team’s electrifying hormones and innate skill. Vibrant pagan spectacle this was, where our juicy young men tested their bodies to the utmost to achieve outstanding feats of manly rizz. The Philadelphia Phillies were vessels of heroism inspiring old men to recall their supple youths, now only smoke and ashes, while young men on the cusp of full-blown masculine beauty became inspired.

Whether or not you choose to shout “Amen!” or “Ah, Men!”, the Philadelphia Phillies played a great game.

Greater Philadelphia Goal is an organization that supports LGBTQ+ public safety professionals and military members. It is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization. For more information about their good works, and their many outreach initiatives, visit their Facebook page, www.phillygoal.org or @phillygoal.