Three’s a Crowd

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

“I’m a female and just started being in a relationship with a girl for the first time and I’m trying to figure out what is appropriate and what is not. My girlfriend and I have been interested in each other for the past 6 months but only recently became serious; before we were seeing other people as well. The problem is my girlfriend is hanging out with a girl she briefly saw while we were in our “open” relationship phase. They go to the gym together, go to dinner, run all the time, etc. And this girl was heartbroken after my girlfriend told her she had to break it off with her because of her commitment to me. Now my girlfriend insists we all 3 go on runs together and hang out. I’m not comfortable with this because I get the vibe from the girl that she is still interested in my girlfriend. It’s the way she looks at her and the fact that she didn’t call my girlfriend for 2 straight weeks because she was so heartbroken. I don’t know what to do because my girlfriend claims she doesn’t like her in that way and that it’s strictly a platonic relationship. But sometimes she hides the fact that she is hanging out with this girl and t makes me more suspicious. If this were a straight relationship, I know this would never happen!”….

Whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual or clearly just doing it for attention, the matter of the Ex that Still Has Feelings For Your Partner is a concern. It’s a complication that pops up in all sorts of relationships and there’s no one
answer to satisfy the quagmire of emotions it totes along in its overnight case…..


On one hand, there is merit to the notion of doing nothing. It might well resolve itself with the passage of time. Sure, Third Wheel got her heart a little dinged, but if she’s a normal, healthy adult, she’ll survive and look elsewhere for a new object of affection soon enough. Assuming your girlfriend honestly doesn’t have feelings for her, which seems likely considering she broke it off with this chick FOR YOU, and assuming this other girl isn’t some sort of sociopath, it’ll work itself out…..

Things will be hilariously awkward for a bit, but they’ll settle down eventually. Kind of like the seconds following a queef…..


Do you believe your girlfriend? My vote is that no, you don’t actually, but she’s wicked hot so you’re gonna roll with it. She parcels out the truth to you, failing to mention she’s spent time with Girl Number Three and that’s a bit of an eyebrow raiser. She might just be an idiot, thinking that omitting that nugget of info will avoid conflict with you. ….

In any event, more conversations need to be had on this one and not just about this girl: about your communication in general. There’s a happy medium in information sharing where both partners can feel confident and secure. It’s somewhere between texting “How RU?” once a week and reenacting the Inquisition after every trip from the couch to the kitchen. ….


When people date, a big part of becoming a formal unit is the integration into each other’s social spheres. Introducing a boyfriend or girlfriend to friends, coworkers, family, pharmacists, psychics, dog groomers and other important people demonstrates intention for longevity in a relationship. ….

Perhaps by trying to make you buddy buddy with this girl, your lady is keeping you in her loop, showing you this person is a facet of her life and trying to give you a chance to see how platonic the whole thing really is. People are usually way more intimidating from afar, so you might want to take up the opportunity to size up the situation up close…..

That said, you don’t have to be fucking Facebook friends and call each other up to go for mani-pedis. Hell, you don’t have to talk to her at all, but doing so will act as a wedge between you and your girl more than anything…..


What precedent do you want to set? You JUST started dating seriously, right? Are you going to trust this girlfriend or not? Whatever the hell is up with this other chick, your girlfriend chose to be with YOU. You can’t worry about anything else outside of that. So someone else likes the person you’re with: consider it a compliment and a testament to the fact you pull quality tail. A partner of value is going to have plenty of people crushing on them.

So chill for the moment and see if the whole thing doesn’t iron out on its own…..

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