Ru in Review – Yankee Doodle, Tuck that Noodle!

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

Yankee Doodle, tuck that noodle! This week, the contestants filmed a public service announcement aimed at bringing the troops to attention and we play “Crown, Fuck, Kill.”

Sashay: Can I just say that this was a strange challenge and it made me somewhat uncomfortable?

Chante: Agreed. Having drag queens send patriotic messages to the troops with the recent repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” just seems tacky.

Sashay: Now, I know I’ve been throwing shade when it comes to Alexis, but good old snaggle tooth showed she got the skills to pay the bills.

Chante: I don’t know hontey. Alexis Mateo is definitely not my fav. Plus, her outfit was tragic.

Sashay: I’ve really enjoyed the guest judges they’ve had this season. However, I was disappointed with Johnny Weir. He said he “wouldn’t want to look like Jessica Simpson,” yet he goes around looking like Ashley???

Chante: Oh no, girl. Oh. No. I LOVE her! Johnny Weir is the fiercest diva figure skating has to offer.

Sashay: Chante, I beg to differ. Let us not forget Tonya Harding.

Chante: That’s the T.

Sashay: However, the judges’ comments about Carmen looking boring – I mean bored, were right on. I was surprised when neither queen was eliminated, but mostly glad because I don’t want this show to end!

Chante: Please, both those queens needed to go home. And what was Carmen thinking going down there and kissing Miss Weir? Ain’t she married?

Sashay: That’s Ms. Weir, if you’re nasty. Yes girl, all Carmen did was talk about her “husband” and his big “Carrera.”

Chante: And another thing…

Sashay: Preach girl.

Chante: Even though I wasn’t impressed with Miss Carrera this week, I did NOT appreciate Yara and Alexis belittling her supposed level of “Puerto Ricanness.” That ain’t right.

Sashay: Trust… And finally, as promised, it’s time for, “Crown, Fuck, Kill.” First, I’d crown Shangela, but hire Raja to make her clothes. I would fuck the pit crew, unless Carmen’s husband is hot then I’d fuck him. Lastly, I’d commit a double homocide by killing Carmen and Raja to boot. Carmen has no Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, or Talent. She thinks she can rely on her looks, but walks around with stink face.

Chante: What’s stink face?

Sashay: Stink face is the face you make when you go down on some guy and his cacahuetes smell like a Subway hoagie.

Chante: Ah yes, I know it well.

Sashay: I’m sure you do.

Chante: Ok, ok. My turn. I would obviously crown Raja. She IS America’s next top drag superstar. I would fuck Johnny Weir, hands down.

Sashay: Don’t you mean ass up?

Chante: Mmmm…and while he’s wearing his skates. Lastly, I would kill Miss Laquifa Wadley with Johnny’s skates, and then slap her dead body for good measure.

Sashay: Vicious. Drop the mic girl, you done. Until next week Drag Racers!

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