I’m meeting my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. They don’t know we’re both HIV+. I’m out to virtually everyone I know while he’s out to what seems like only me. When’s a good time to tell them I’m positive?

Out To Planet Earth

Dear OTPE,

You are you. You are not HIV. Let them get to know you first. At least the first time you meet. After that, it’s pretty much whatever you feel comfortable with. There’s no right or wrong time to tell someone’s parents you’re positive.

I used to introduce myself like this: “Hi, my name is Loran and I have HIV. Can you please pass the chocolate covered peanuts?” I learned as I deal with my disease that I was hoping everyone would deal with it for me. As I progress I don’t feel the need to tell everyone right at the get go.

As far as your boyfriend’s HIV status goes, that’s his story to tell. It took me 4 years to tell my parents. Some people never tell their parents. Again, there’s no right or wrong answer to this.

My wish for you is that when you do tell them, they become an additional source of support for you and your boyfriend. And if they don’t, well then, screw them.