My Fellow LGBT Community Members,

Hello, my name is Dashiell Sears and I was recently crowned (or rather ‘sashed’) Mr. Gay Philadelphia 2011. I am both honored and eager to fulfill my obligations as Mr. Gay Philadelphia. I would like to thank and congratulate all the contestants that competed and the honorable judges that graced the event with their presences and bestowing the title upon me, but enough with formalities as I would like to continue with the true intent of my letter.

On Wednesday, April 20, my generation of college-age students have a reputation of celebrating the day with the consumption of a certain illicit drug and spending the day daydreaming and feeling its effects while quickly consuming large amounts of food afterward. I certainly don’t know where exactly this ritual originated from, but I can only see how it somehow be connected with the fact that it’s Adolf Hitler’s birthday, because it certainly can’t be in celebration of the successful Apollo 16 mission commanded by John Young, or in celebration of the Civil Rights Act of 1871 becoming law.

But I digress, this day is important to me as it should be with everyone because of one very important event that is still one of the most chilling reminders of what a lack of emotional understanding and school bullying can do, of course that’s not to say Apollo 16 shouldn’t be celebrated for its milestone or that Civil Rights also shouldn’t be celebrated, as for Hitler’s birthday that’s really on an individual basis if you want to acknowledge that homophobic anti-Semite for the piece of crap he was. No, personally I remember this day for the events that happened at Columbine High School in Columbine, Colorado, in 1999.

I think we can all recall where we were when news broke that two students, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, went on a killing spree inside the high school in one of the deadliest school shootings at an American high school. When the day was finished, 14 parents were left without a child and one family left without a father, but questions still remained about what exactly was to blame for the massacre and what motivated two boys to commit such a heinous act of savagery.

While early reports of a connection with Nazism, Goth culture, and violent video games led to a large push against those subcultures, these reports were later rejected as anything other than peripheral influences and the true nature of why this happened was revealed by students in their own words when recounting the massacre that both Harris and Klebold were often targets of school bullying facing ridicule for how they dressed and even the subjects of homophobic slurs. Harris and Klebold felt rejected by their community and instead of reaching out they retreated from the world into their own dark trenches of depression. My question would be if they had reached their hands out, would anybody have pulled them out?

This question on what to do with school bullying has now covered a large spectrum of different other subcultures and social outcasts, many of whom have done nothing to spur on such hateful personal attacks and many find that the fault must lie upon themselves. As a memberof a family consisting of siblings that cover the range of autism from Aspbergers to Manic-Depression to Downs syndrome, I have witnessed the cruel and hateful things that can and are said to belittle a person simply because they are different and have spent too many nights worrying about my own siblings’ personal safety at school.

My siblings, though, were very lucky to have a family that understood them and a mother who was a school teacher herself so knew whose arms needed to be twisted within the school administration to get things either excused or taken care of. Being autistic is a lifelong trait that can be recognized at an early age and thankfully with the help of modern medicine several medical traits related to autism can help curb some of the more eccentric effects and improve focus. Even though there is more help now, it did not stop kids from absolutely torturing my older siblings, and is partly the reason I did not come out in high school.

I just couldn’t imagine the things that would be said to my older brother or sister about me that I could have shrugged off, but they would not have let go so easily and I did not want that on their hands. What could be considered a saving grace would be my brother’s endearing humility at realizing his social shortcomings and his openness at trying to understand sometimes bewildering (even to me) social practices conjured up by the crop of cliques at school. By the time he graduated had learned how to deal with a multitude of situations because he had been there. He also is an accomplished artist, graphic designer, and short film director studying film at Edinboro University.

As for my sister, she had her share of bullying, but she was much more capable of handling situations and toughing things out because she was more apt to picking up social cues in a way my older brother was not, but she had her ups and her downs.

I wanted to bring this up because I wanted to reach out to the gay youth of Philadelphia. Like autism, homosexuality isn’t something that can be physically seen in an instant in normal everyday life just walking down the street, but even so it is nothing to be ashamed of and certainly isn’t something to hide if you don’t want to. You can celebrate your sexuality however you want to through your own personal style and become the most fabulous king or queen your heart desires to be and no one can stop you.

One of my greatest regrets of my life was not coming out sooner than I did. I always wonder if I had come out in high school that may have brought more of a sense of community and belonging to my best friend before she took her own life after experiencing bullying that turned into much more than I could have helped her with, but it was because she felt entrapped, but you are never, ever trapped.

Trust me, whatever pain you feel is multiplied by the thousands for your family and your friends who love and cherish you if they ever learned that you took your own life. My first and foremost advice is DON’T DO IT! There are places to go, people to talk to if you ever need a friend, but it’s up to you to reach out and exercise the resources available just for you. You can talk to anyone such as your parents, siblings, teachers, guidance counselors, youth pastors, coaches, or you can pick up a phone and dial the Trevor Project that sponsors the “It Gets Better” project at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. You are never alone and thousands of others have been in the same darkness as you may feel you are in and are more than happy to jump in with you, because they know the way out.

You are who you are and you can love whoever your heart desires, and it’s through nobody’s fault if you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and it is especially not your own. We all love you and cannot wait for you all to break out and join the community. I know because I was just like you, I was there, I was scared, I wanted it to go away and ignore it, but now I’m out and having the time of my life!

Remember, violence against others and violence against yourself is NEVER the answer

Dashiell Sears
2011 Mr. Gay Philadelphia