This blog post is a result of FB conversation in a secret group that I am in. The group appears to be primarily composed of trans-identified folk. The question was around ‘studs’ who prefer masculine pronouns and to be referred to as ‘daddy’.

My response:

How can we expect to have a spectrum within trans-communities, if we are incessantly forcing people to look ONE way. or be ONE way. If every trans-masculine person was on T, how is there ever to be a diversity…a spectrum? If every person of trans experiences, identified as trans-man or trans-woman, what's the point. It's really all about others feeling comfortable. and that's not ok. 

What I observe in my trans-experiences is that many of the groups in the alphabet soup, simply re-create heterosexual paradigms. 

In the heterosexual world, you have males, females, and middle sex folk. Men and women are the primary representations and middle sex folk are mocked. The standard is men being paired with women. Anything else is shunned. Two men together is demonized and two women together is eroticized/objectified for the consumption of men.

Within Lesbian communities, you have femmes and studs as the primary and most validated representations. Stems are accused of being confused (mocked). The standard pairing is femme and stud. Two studs paired is shunned. Two femmes together is eroticized/objectified for the consumption of studs. 

This is simply a re-creation of heterosexual norms. And if it's damaging in those communities, what makes us think it won't be damaging in ours. 

Within trans communities, we are forced to play roles and exist from scripts. we are expected to be trans, explore a lil bit our inner desires and the why behind our identity, get on t, identify as males, get our gender markers changed, get a name change which is often some derivative of our female names, hustle for money to hack our boobs off, pack, and date/marry a femme. And if we don't, we are told that we need to see a psychiatrist and/or that our reasonings for certain actions are immature and not well thought out. 

So much so that you have trans folk writing blogs about what a 'real man' is. FOH.

Trans-masculine folk do not have a hegemonic grasp on non-feminine pronouns. I know someone that is female-bodied, has a voice as high as a soprano, boobs, long hair and identifies as male. He presents as a stud but is **obviously** not a bio-male. He prefers masculine pronouns. And you know what? it's not up to me or anyone else to tell HIM that HE should be referred to as SHE simply because HE has boobs, is not on T, and his presentation is somewhat feminine. it is hard for me? Sure. i am socialized and conditioned just like anyone else. But it's also not ok for me to say, yo, this is hard for me so let me refer to you as she. FOH.

We MUST expand our thinking. Or we will continue to be a dog chasing its tail. Getting absolutely nowhere.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. To TRANScend gender means that my gender is not tied to my genitals. It means that sex is not tied to my birth-assigned sex. it means that my ‘doing gender’ TRANScends a binary. it means that if at 7am, i am giving you boy, that’s 7am but if at 7pm, i’m giving you girl, that’s 7pm. And at 7pm, I should not be bound by what was happening at 7am. It means that every minute of everyday, i am evolving and changing and revolving and ebbing and flowing. It means that I own my identity and I don’t have to ‘pick a lane’. It means that I let my dates open doors for me and pull out chairs for me. It means that I am keenly aware of my masculine privilege and work tirelessly at not abusing it. It means that YOU don’t get to genderize me based on YOUR ideas of what gender is. it means that men have vaginas and girls have penises. It means that you are just going to have to get over it. it means that I CHOOSE my gender based on MY comfort level. it means that i am all that gender is and all that it is not.

Thank you for listening to my semi-organized rant.

Light & Love,

The Ignant Intellectual