RuPaul’s Drag Race 5.4

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

Hey Drag Racers! This week, the queens performed a ballet that chronicled the extraordinary life of RuPaul Charles. Plus, Ru dramatically eliminated two queens and Detox made this face:

Chante: Well huntey, let’s start from the end and work our way backward. May I just say that I was not surprised at all that Ru sent home Honey and Vivienne. They lacked any type of C.U.N.T.

Sashay: Vivienne Pinay would have you believe that she is all fish. I couldn’t help but gag over her quote, “I have to be myself and if they don’t like me…” Shut up. Guess what bitch, they didn’t like you. What do you think of her declaration that she is the fishiest queen ever?

Chante: You don’t get to declare yourself the fishiest queen ever if all you serve is face. True fish also entails some personality.

Sashay: One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. If a pretty face is all you got, that’s sad.

Chante: Ru and the judges looked straight up bored watching those two queens lip sync. I kept thinking, “Werk bitches! WERK!”

Sashay: Yes, and Honey Mahogany looked like a straight up Q-tip.

Chante: If that queen wore one more moo-moo, I might’ve slapped someone. Who did she think she was impressing walking that runway week after week wearing fucking kaftans!?

Sashay: Is that all she took from her trip to Africa? I would have taken a Mandingo or two.

Chante: Girl, you’ve already taken more than two.

Sashay: At the same time? Not since January.

Chante: Halle-Ru!

Sashay: These queens need to want that crown. They need to want it like a hungry, virgin power-bottom.

Chante: I just envisioned myself wearing it…minus the virgin part.

Sashay: Way to state the obvious Chante, you whore. Moving on, I have to give props to Alyssa Edwards. Her performance was fabulous.

Chante: Yes, I was impressed with her this week. And you know Coco was pissed that Alyssa took the win.

Sashay: Please, Coco picked Alyssa to be on her team. Coco is down with the swirl. I’m waiting for their sex tape to leak.

Chante: Do you think Coco’s into riding Clydesdales?

Sashay: Well if the pipe matches the headpiece…

Chante: Oooh girl!

Sashay: It’s time for our random question of the day! This week’s mini-challenge brought the funk. But who do you think probably smells like funk?

Chante: Easy: Jinx Monsoon.

Sashay: I vote Santino. I don’t think he’s washed his hair since season one.

Chante: Preach, girl!

Sashay: Can I get an Amen?

Chante: Amen!

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