RuPaul’s Drag Race 5.5

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

Hey Drag Racers! This week, the Snatch Game returned, Jinkx Monsoon dominated the bunch and Alyssa Edwards was instructed to rupologize for her embarrassing performance.

Chante: Girl, what a disappointing Snatch …game.

Sashay: Agreed. Even the winner, Jinkx Monsoon was predictable. I mean in reality, Jinkx was just playing herself in 30 years.

Chante: While that may be 100% true, her Little Edie was phenomenal. I don’t necessarily think she deserved the full win, but Ru had to throw her a bone for killin’ it.

Sashay: Ok, I’ll give you that, but I’m tired of hearing her complain about people not respecting her clown drag. Bitch, take a nap. And when you’re done, maybe you’ll have the energy to do glam like Michelle Visage requested.

Chante: Preach hontey. Dontchu worry…Jinkx will be gone soon enough. This season needed a Miss Congeniality, though.

Sashay: It still does. Moving on, I was so sad to see Lineysha Sparks go.

Chante: Yes, I think her ejection was premature.

Sashay: He can have a premature ejection anytime he wants. Boy was fine… maybe too fine to be in drag.

Chante: Why can’t a Latina bitch take the crown damnit??

Sashay: Chante hontey, this is why Puerto Rico will NEVER become a state. Until you can send us a worthy drag queen, don’t apply for statehood.

Chante: Oh no you did not!

Sashay: Attention Latinas: Do Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, or Sofia Vergara. Then you can butcher the English language as much as you want and win the challenge!

Chante: I couldn’t agree more. I mean, GIRL, Celia Cruz is a Latin icon and she couldn’t even get that right! Hasn’t the bitch seen an episode of Sesame Street….AZUCAR!!!

Sashay: Alright, can we get this whole Alyssa/Coco mess out of the way? It made the first half of Untucked as boring as Jade’s personality.

Chante: Yaaaassssssss, girl!

Sashay: I mean, Jade you are so boring that your only friend is Coco.

Chante: They just need to ki ki and get it over with already.

Sashay: Halle-Ru. Plus, nobody cares about who the fuck Miss Gay ‘Merica is. Perhaps Alyssa should be more worried about trying to hide her back rolls with an overpriced wig. Does this mean she’s a plus size queen now?

Chante: Alyssa not only needs to rupologize to Katy Perry, but to America for subjecting us to that back fat.

Sashay: I do have to give her props for dealing with Coco’s bipolar ass though. Once the wig comes off and the orange makeup goes on, there’s no more kiki-ing with Coco. And another thing….

Chante: Oop…there’s more.

Sashay: I’m tired of these bitches (Jade) saying, “Don’t come for me.” Bitch, you couldn’t get someone to cum for you if you had a 9 inch dildo and a picture of Channing Tatum.

Chante: Take it to church, girl. So tell me whose snatch you liked.

Sashay: Girl, you know I’m not into Snatch, but let me just say, The Snatch Game is to RuPaul’s Drag Race what Plinko is to the Price is Right. I was really hoping to have some laughs this week. However, I was glad to see Julie Brown and Downtown Julie Brown on the show. I now see that they are, in fact, two completely different people. Who knew!

Chante: This was, by far, the worst Snatch Game ever. With that said, though, I’mma go ahead and give props to Roxxxy, Alaska and obviously Jinkx for turning it out and salvaging that

Sashay: #ratch-snatch

Chante: Can I get an amen?

Sashay: Amen!

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