RuPaul’s Final 3 Revealed!

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

Hey Drag Racers! Well, I hope you had a sweet tooth this week because the ladies served up some candy coated realness. Oh and Roxxxy’s a bitter bitch.

Sashay: Girl, can we please start in on Roxxxy Andrews? She is an EVIL queen.

Chante: An evil queen who’s pissed that her mirror mirror isn’t telling her she’s the fairest of them all…CUZ SHE AIN’T.

Sashay: Is Roxxxy Andrews the new Phi Phi O’Hara?

Chante: Minus the snaggle tooth.

Sashay: I’m not always the biggest fan of Jinkx, but this heffa is just plain mean. She’s definitely not going to win Miss Congeniality. Plus, what talents has she shown?… other than looking like a pageant queen and not eating all the candy she used to make her dress.

Chante: Jinkx Monsoon may not be the most polished of queens, but girlfriend has got the C, U, N and T…which is what Ru’s looking for. Roxxxy’s missing the U and T I think, but she’s certainly a cunt.

Sashay: Agreed and agreed. Jinkx just needs to work on her looks. Roxxxy needs to work on everything but her look. Moving on, what the fuck happened to Detox?

Chante: Santino hit it on the nose – which oddly enough is the only real thing on Detox – when he said Detox came prepped to serve with her looks, but she falls and falls hard when she has to create her own looks. She’s been in the bottom several times, and frankly, that song was made for Jinkx. Detox was doomed.

Sashay: I had so much hope for her. If Roxxxy wants to read queens for their looks, perhaps she should start in her own camp. Detox’s candy costume was lime green. What kind of fucking candy is that? Plus, she barely used any candy to make it. Was she trying to lose?

Chante: Talking about ensembles that didn’t work, I thought for sure Alaska would end up in the bottom…until she walked out on that runway. Ru had you thinking the worst, but then here Alaska comes serving up that candy xtravaganza!

Sashay: Yes, I haven’t wanted to shove something pink and sticky into my mouth that much since last Saturday.

Chante: Last Saturday? How about last night hunty!

Sashay: Last night’s was purple child.

Chante: Ooooh girl. That sounds colorful. Moving on. I must say, I’m pretty surprised at the top three. I didn’t see this coming.

Sashay: And they didn’t even bring back a previously eliminated queen. What gives? I was waiting for Honey Mahogany to pop out of a cardboard box.

Chante: That would’ve been a scary jack-in-the-box. So tell me Sashay…who’s your pick for victorious queen of all queens?

Sashay: Well, this season certainly had large heapings of crazy, but who has enough charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent? I would have to go with Alaska Thunderfuck. She’s quirky, creative, and funny.

Chante: That would be quite the hullabaloo if Alaska won right after Sharon took the crown. I’m going to go with Jinkx. Ru is looking for queens who have something different to offer and I think Jinkx is that queen. She’s got it. She’ll give America true CUNT.

Sashay: I would be happy with either of those queens. Alaska and Sharon could create a royal dynasty. I kind of think Jinkx would be more successful if she lost, kind of like an underdog that everyone roots for.

Chante: The House of Haunt Dynasty. I like it.

Sashay: Can I get an Amen?

Chante: Amen, I say AMEN.

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