In thinking about my coming out story, I realized that I never really came out to my family. It was just understood after a while. I did, however, come out to my close friends when I was twenty-one years old or so. 

I grew up in a loving Latino family that was on the surface patriarchal but deep down, matriarchal.  Gays skewed my dad’s view of the world; after all, he was adhering to what he learned to think. I knew how he would react to his oldest daughter being gay. I also knew that my mother would eventually come around. But even though I knew this, I didn’t tell her either.

The Latino culture seemed only accepting of heterosexuals. Since none of my friends were Latino, this made it easier for me to tell them what I had come to understand about myself. I reached a point in my life where I wanted to know who my true friends were, who would stick with me once I told them the truth about myself.  How could I listen to their concerns about dating boys and not share what I was dealing with in my romantic life? I didn’t want to hide this part of me from them because it felt like a betrayal, a lie.

I saw how some adjusted their philosophies of the world because they liked me and wanted to stay friends with me. I soon knew who my true friends were. At least, that is how I saw it back then. Now, I find the topic not so clear cut. It is complicated, liking someone whose life goes against your values.

It is not easy going against everything you were taught to believe and do unquestioningly. Discerning who is “right” in this case, leads to the moral dilemmas a lot of people still have today.

This is why I would love for all gays to come out, but I understand how unfathomable it can still be, even in the 21^st Century, to come out of hiding, come out of the omissions we deal with everyday. I know how difficult it is, and if you are a person that is in physical danger because you are gay, I understand not coming out until you are safe to do so. However, for those of us that are able to, I urge you to come out to friends and family. I know I may sound idealistic, but if more of us came out, we could change the world. We could make it easier for others to come out sooner rather than later. Through our numbers we can educate; education is powerful.

And here is the most fantastic news I can relay. My family loves me and they love my partner as their own. My dad decided, at my mother’s urging, that it was better to be a tree that bends with the flow of air than one that gets toppled by a strong wind. He loves my partner and me. His ability to love me despite his long-held beliefs, says more to me about hope for the human condition than any coming out story I’ve ever heard.

Myrna Rodriguez, a PhillyGayCalendar blogger, received an MFA in Creative Writing from Goddard College. She is an instructor at Rowan University and Gloucester County College. She has been published in Philadelphia Stories Magazine.