Hey drag racers! The wait is over and Sashay and Chante are ready to open the library on Season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race!

Chante: Well Sashay…I have certainly missed your shady self, and can’t wait to read these queens (and you) to filth.

Sashay: And I haven’t missed you at all, bitch. Speaking of missing, where were they holding the rest of the queens this week, a meat locker?

Chante: Who thought it was a good idea to create two premieres?

Chante does NOT approve. Ru’s trying to DRAG this season out as long as possible.

Sashay: Well, I do like the idea of getting to know the queens better before they get the boot. I also wholeheartedly approve of DOUBLING the number of gentlemen in the pit crew!

Chante: This new and improved pit crew can change my oil any day.

Sashay: Alright, let’s begin. We were first introduced to Adore Delano, the former American Idol dressed as a Katy Perry knockoff with blue-ish hair.

Chante: Poor Adore.

Chante was unimpressed. Then strolls in Ben de la Creme…Michelle Visage’s dopple ganger. The energy this queen was putting out was just too much girl…too much.

Sashay: I thought you’d like her campiness – reminiscent of Jinkx Monsoon.

Chante: I like her camp. I just wasn’t popping a tent.

Sashay: Then there was the very fishy, Gia Gunn, who I seem to think is playing dumb. But how about Vivacious with that mannequin head ensemble?

Chante: Gia Gunn is trash and Vivacious is…eh…not so much. They both think very highly of themselves, and…well…I think they’re the only ones.

Sashay: Vivacious is the poor man’s Latrice Royale. Then there was Kelly Mantle.

Chante: Was there a Kelly Mantle though? I think not. Bye Felicia.

Sashay: Kelly Mantle… in a word – BORING. Even her name is boring. She reminded me of that older, unmarried aunt who shows up to family functions, but just stands in the corner all night, you know, kind of like she did on stage. I found it hard to believe she was an entertainer.

Chante: Ru had to bring someone in to go home first.

Sashay: Well

Chante, I saved the best for last: Laganja Estranja.

Chante: The best? In the words of Vivacious, I could not clock that spook. Laganja needs to take herself somewhere. Can I get an Amen?

Sashay: Amen!

This season’s columns by Sashay & Chante will be brought to you in HDS: High Definition Shade.