Lesbian
Trans
People of Color
Drag Queen/KingWelcome to Season 7 Drag Racers! Sashay & Chante could not be more happy to be back to guide you through another xtravaganza of drag realness.
Chante: Can anyone say snoozefest? For what seemed to be the most anticipated season opener, I was bored outta my mind! No Absolut cocktails, no interior illusions lounge, and Untucked only available online? Umm, no thank you!
Sashay: Now hunty, we’ll get to all that, but first, let’s just inhale the hairspray fumes, touch up with some MAC makeup, and sip on some flavored cocktails. Drag Race is FINALLY back and I couldn’t be happier. Tell me that you at least enjoyed last night’s judges.
Chante: MAC makeup? I wouldn’t be surprised if this season their prize was a year’s supply of Target essentials! But yes, while I’ll miss Santino, the additions of Ross and Carson are on point. Plus, Alaska as Anna Wintour…FLAWLESS!
Sashay: That’s the spirit old girl. Speaking of old bitches, I had high hopes for Tempest DuJour when she first arrived with that pink cotton candy hair. Sadly, her costume design skills only aided her in creating some pirate wench in a quilt skirt couture.
Chante: Tempest, sashay your broke seamstress skills on home! And, who you callin’ old?
Sashay: Ouch girl, just ouch. Moving on, did we really need to blur out the fake nudity?
Chante: I don’t think any of those queens needed to be nekked! Blur it ALL out please.
Sashay: Well, Ginger Minj was definitely serving tons of body. The only problem was that it looked like Lena Dunham’s body.
Chante: Her body may look like a toilet paper roll, but so far, she’s my favsies. But can we please talk about Kandy fucking Ho? Hot mess much?
Sashay: Yes please, the dumb bitch came on the runway with a bad attitude and a 5 o’clock shadow. Next up, Sasha Bell. Racers, you probably won’t remember her name, but you will remember the fact that she wore a black leotard under her nude one. This bitch should just give up now and try to win Miss Congeniality instead. It’s her only hope.
Chante: She apparently “didn’t understand the assignment?” Please…the only award she’ll be winning is Dumbest Bitch of the Year.
Sashay: No, that award might go to Jasmine Masters. Riddle me this…would you want Jasmine’s insane abs if it meant you wouldn’t be able to explain how a cocoon works?
Chante: No abs are worth her idiocy. She can hoola hoop her ass on home too. She’s tired. So, Sashay, tell me what you think about Violet Chachki’s win.
Sashay: First of all, why was Violet Chachki saying that nobody calls it Hotlanta? I was in Atlanta and at least four guys were in me while I was there. And while they were in me, I’ll have you know that at least three of them said, “Welcome to Hotlanta.” As far as her win, if all you needed to do was prance around stage with your dick taped between your legs, anyone could have won this challenge.
Chante: Girl, that’s what I was doing last night…so…I WIN!
Sashay: No, girl… It has to be your own dick between your legs.
Chante: Either way…winning! Now onto a more serious topic. If you could ask our fans any question about episode one, what would it be?
Sashay: I want to know which queen they think made the best first impression.
Chante: Ok Drag Racers…we want your opinion! Take our poll below and let us know who you think made the best first impression. Can I get an amen?
Sashay: Amen!
| Predict the results of next weeks show and win a shoutout on PhillyGayCaledar Social Media – predict all of them and win CASH. Enter your answers at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/BCB83WT |
