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Drag Queen/KingSashay: It’s week two and the contestants are already getting blown by the pit crew. These are my kinda gals. However, with those leaf blowers on their faces, all I could think was, “Look at the flubber fly!” I’m looking at you, Jaidynn Diore Fierce.
Chante: That pit crew can blow me any day! Especially that ginger.
Sashay: Girl, are you trying to get some ki ki action with Ginger Minj?!
Chante: Did I not sing Ms. Minj’s praises last week? And look who won episode two. Snaps for Ginger!
Sashay: You did that. Could Ginger Minj be the first large and in charge queen to take the crown?
Chante: I think she’s certainly a contender. She won the mini and main challenges so let’s not discount her. Plus, she had the sense to diversify her team for the win.
Sashay: Yes, her team rocked this challenge. How were they able to concentrate on a plane filled with pit crew?
Chante: Well, clearly Katya was dickstracted given her horrendous lip sync performance. She deserved to pack her bags and fly on home. Though, for real, somebody’s gotta create an airline with all drag queen flight attendants…I’d have the MOST frequent flyer miles.
Sashay: Hunty, you already have the most frequent flyer miles. That runway of yours is tore up and gaping like the Grand Canyon.
Chante: Bitch, but they keep on coming back and trust, I always upgrade them to first ass…I mean class.
Sashay: Whore.
Chante: Moving on, what are your thoughts on Sasha Belle’s lack luster performance? Her broken down Miss Bunny look wasn’t enough to save her.
Sashay: Agreed. First of all bitch, learn how to use a banana clip. And who assigned you the job of trying to be sexy with the pilot? Maybe Ginger Minj should have been in the bottom two for that dragastrophe. Her Miss Bunny look was almost as confusing as Jasmine Masters’ runway look.
Dear Jasmine,
Dafuq?!
~ Sashay
Chante: Gurrrll…tell me how you really feel.
Sashay: Jasmine looked like she was taking a trip back in time to the 1980s. First of all, she looked like a lollipop with that big ass hair on her skinny ass frame. And that jewelry looked like it was bedazzled by Jiggly’s 4-year-old cousin.
Chante: Well, between Jasmine and Ginger Minj, they were coming for Trixie Mattel’s look, but I think she looked great…straight out the Jetsons. Her and Pearl had the best runway looks in my opinion.
Sashay: Yes, wigs off to Pearl in her chic white ensemble. And I have to agree with Jaidynn Diore Fierce. Out of drag, I might want to sit on Pearl’s face too.
Chante: Watch out for the piercing Sashay!
Sashay: Can we talk about Untucked? First of all, Max is definitely competing for Miss Congeniality with the way he was being so nice to Sasha Belle backstage before her lip sync. He is the nicest Max since Catfish.
Chante: He needs to stop with that bullshit Madonna/British accent. Max, we already have a spooky, weird next drag superstar…her name is Sharon Needles. Since we’re on the subject of Untucked, what do you think of the new, raw format?
Sashay: You mean having these bitches get drunk backstage instead of in a proper lounge, ya know, like with walls? I mean, for real, could we at least get a partition please?
Chante: It ain’t no Interior Illusions Lounge!
Sashay: That’s for sure. Alright drag racers, it’s time for you to weigh in. This week we want to know, which team you think deserved to win the main challenge, Team Ginger Minj or Team Trixie Mattel?”
Chante: Hunty, I’m team PIT CREW!!! Can I get an amen?
Sashay: Amen!
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