Pride 2024
Lesbian
Trans
People of Color
Drag Queen/KingHoly Bearded Lady Batman! This week, the queens served up their best Kathy Bates American Horror Story realness and tried their hands at Shakesqueer.
Chante: First thing’s first. How about we had a solid lesson in drag Herstory this week with Mother Ru’s explanation of what drag means: DRessed up as A Girl. Who’da thunk it?
Sashay: I would have thought you would have already known that, Chante. Didn’t you go to school with Shakespeare, you old bat?
Chante: Oh no you did not, Miss Sashay. How dare thou!
Sashay: Alright, let’s talk about the main challenge. Was this really a challenge? All these bitches had to do was memorize like two lines. You would think any queen worth her weight in glitter would find this challenge to be a cakewalk.
Chante: Well Team Kennedy Davenport obviously glitter bombed this week. They were clearly on the Acela Express to Lip Sync Station.
Sashay: First of all, Jasmine Masters could not do a valley girl impersonation to save her life. She still sounded ghetto. Kennedy should have switched the parts sooner, giving the girls more time to memorize their line. I think Ru was right to put Kennedy in the bottom two. She could have put her there soley based on her nasty pube beard alone.
Chante: Between Kennedy’s pube beard and Jasmine’s lack of one, they should’ve both been sent home. Though I am glad Jasmine was sent packin…her and all her excuses. She needs to Rupologize to America for her tragic performance this week.
Sashay: Exactly. Then she tried to save face by saying she missed her nephew, who is probably like 35 years old. P.S. Jasmine, stop trying to make, “No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade,” happen. It’s not gonna happen.
Chante: Yeah…and none for Gretchen Weiners. Moving on…how do you feel about Max’s win? I think she served up true Shakesqueerian realness, but her fake ass English accent has got to go.
Sashay: That was an English accent? It was sweet how she got Jaidynn Diore Fierceless to stop crying. I’m telling you, this bitch is competing hard… for Miss Congeniality. Back to Jaidynn. How you gonna have a last name like Fierce and be crying in episode three? What was going on with the black queens this week? This must have been filmed the same week that the Cosby scandal came out.
Chante: There’s no more room for jello puddin’ this week…or for Pearl Necklaces. And speaking of Pearls…talk about a flatlined role with a butch voice.
Sashay: I didn’t mind Pearl’s butch voice. He could get it, just saying. I did, however, find it irritating that Michelle Visage took issue with it. She felt he should have been a happy, flaky cheerleading coach, ya know, a STEREOTYPE. Michelle is just a typical beard trying to put a gay in her box.
Chante: I think Ru should send Miss Visage sashaying away next season. She’s over. Replace her with Mel B…she was fierce last night!
Sashay: Agreed. Props this week to Kandy 5 Ho’clock shadow for finally getting that contouring right. I mean, it’s only season 7 week 3, bitch. Fucking Jasmine Chompers had less beard this week than you had in that first episode.
Chante: These queens need to step it up, and along these lines, I think our fans need to weigh in. Racers, who do you think has been hiding in the shadows like a tucked penis and needs to make themselves known before they are sent home?
Sashay: Well, with Jasmine Chompers off taking a bite outta crime with Scruff McGruff, it’s time to step it up. Ladies, if I don’t know your name by now, you’re alseep at the wheel like Jinkx Monsoon. Stand out or go home! Can I get an amen?
Chante: Amen!
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