By Dr Timaree Leigh
“I have a dilemma that seems silly even to me. I’ve been dating the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. No, she really, really is. Her personality is also really great. She’s sweet and smart and thoughtful. I’m totally smitten. I don’t know how I landed her, but we’ve been seeing each other for about 2 months since we met through friends at a party. But as much as people envy my luck at having such arm candy, it’s kind of hell. Everyone in the world is competition now. She gets hit on constantly, by both women and men, even right in front of me. She’s good about it and politely shoos them away. But these people eyeball me like, “who’s THIS piece of crap?” It’s incredibly stressful and I feel as though at any second I might end up in a fight with one of them or dropped for someone more attractive. And I don’t want to seem too clingy or jealous to her, especially not this early. What am I supposed to do?”
First off, your concern is legit. For every person out there who dreams of trading up from their current partner, there’s another person getting so riled up about the possibility of their relationship falling apart that they accidently cause it to implode with jealousy, insecurity and pansy ass fretting.
As you might have gathered from your experience, couples do best when they’re similar in their levels of attractiveness. People tend to like others who are similar to them and flock to those who have comparable levels of income, education and physical appearance- because they have a lot in common and can view each other as peers. When you see a smoking hot person walk down the street holding the hand of a total fugster, you take notice… and might assume the uggo is extremely wealthy… or ridiculously funny. There has to be some balance of assets to make the investment worthwhile.
Potential rivals for your lady see her…and then see you… and assess your threat level. If they can “get” what she sees in you, they’re less likely to bother extending the effort when rejection seems inevitable. If she appears so outrageously hot that it’s worth the gamble, they might still make a try even if you’re a total catch. Or they might make a play without even noticing that you’re present. In any event, this is going to be a problem.
TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT
Yeah, I know. It’s an honor for the first thirty times someone informs you that your girl is mad fine but grows increasingly arduous thereafter. But she sees something in you and that should be acknowledged and valued. By downplaying your own hotness, you’re devaluing her taste and that’s more disrespectful to her than it is modest for you.
Find out what she likes about you and play it up. Even if you’re not confident, act like it. Chicks dig it.
Worried you’re not hot enough? Fine. Stop being a whiny baby and do something about it. Quit your excuses and hit the goddamn gym. Take pride in your appearance, get advice from a trusted stylish friend on what you can do to spiff up a bit, and not only will you look better, but you’ll feel it. If there was ever a motivator, she might as well be it.
None of this sounds do-able? You’re just convinced that this whole thing will collapse under the weight of your anxiety? Not feeling like enduring the endless barrage of ego dings that is dating a vixen? Cut your losses and look for someone who’s more your speed. Whether it be Sean Kingston crying out about beautiful girls leading you to suicide or Jimmy Soul warning you never to make a pretty woman your wife, there are plenty of reasons to seek out a safe bet in your next partner.
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE ANSWER
If you were a man, it’d better that she be hot anyway. Even though attractiveness equilibrium is important, physical beauty is more important to men than to women, traditionally. For this reason, heterosexual relationships with a more attractive female are significantly more successful than those with a way hotter guy. However, you’d want to make sure you make good money and are always extra super nice to her cause you got to bring something to the table.