Dating Red Flags

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

Lockdown is over, COVID is becoming manageable and people are getting off their couches and starting to look to date again. LGBT adults are roughly twice as likely as those who are straight to say they have ever used a dating site or app according to the Pew Research Center. It might have been a while and you might not remember what you are doing, so we asked our fans to give us some red flags to look out for when dating, and here is what they said:

On Their phone!

I get it, we love Tik-Tok. Grindr is always beeping and you just round reddit. There is a lot to see on your phone but when you are on a date is not the time. According to, 57.4% say they use their phone on dates. Don't do it. Put it on airplane mode and put it away. [Unless, of course, you are using PhillyGayCalendar]

Being Late

Septa can be a bitch sometimes and even Uber won't always get you there on time, but always being late is a big no no. It's disrespectful of a person's time! If you can't respect my time you won't respect me - NEXT!


This came up a few times whenwe asked our viewers. Bad breath, dirty nails and other hygene issues were some of the biggest complaints. It's a Philly summer, 90 degrees, 98% humity - we are gonna sweat, but do your best b putting your best foot forward when going on a date

Talking too much!

Sure we want to know where you are from, and what you like to do, and which Real House Wife you are, and which drag queen got screwed in editing, but sometimes you need to take a breath. The old saying - you have two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak!

Being Rude to the Server!

This one came up a lot, and shame on you if you are rude to a server. It's not an easy job and they don't deserve to be treated poorly by the likes of you! If your date treats servers rudely, they they will treat you rudely someday! This was one of the most common red flag our users reported.

And side note: Tip %20 or stay the hell home! This goes for tipping bartenders and drag queens too!

Before we get to the number 1 – we have some honorable mentions:

Not Driving

Asking for Money

Both being bottoms

And the number one biggest Red Flag according to our viewers:

Talking about your Ex.

This was the number one red flag our viewers comment about. No one wants to hear about your ex! We don't want o hear how wonderful they were and how you miss the, we don't want to hear how they were horrible and you hate them!. First dates are about starting something new, looking forward. And you can't do that if you are dwelling in your miserable past! Keep the Ex Talk with your therapist!

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Dating in Secret

I’m a lesbian who having an affair with a married woman. She says she loves her husband as a friend but she’s never been really attracted to him. We’ve only been involved a short amount of time and she’s only ever been known as a heterosexual, so she’s not ready to throw everything away for me yet. And that’s fine with me too: I don’t need a serious relationship now either. But I do want to keep seeing her and I want to keep it quiet. I know you don’t approve of deceit, but you have to have some knowledge about dating in secret. What do I do and not do to keep this under wraps until we have a solid plan about what we want?

My Girl is TOO Hot!

I have a dilemma that seems silly even to me. I’ve been dating the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. No, she really, really is. Her personality is also really great. She’s sweet and smart and thoughtful. I’m totally smitten. I don’t know how I landed her, but we’ve been seeing each other for about 2 months since we met through friends at a party. But as much as people envy my luck at having such arm candy, it’s kind of hell. Everyone in the world is competition now. She gets hit on constantly, by both women and men, even right in front of me. She’s good about it and politely shoos them away. But these people eyeball me like, “who’s THIS piece of crap?” It’s incredibly stressful and I feel as though at any second I might end up in a fight with one of them or dropped for someone more attractive. And I don’t want to seem too clingy or jealous to her, especially not this early. What am I supposed to do?

Will losing 110 pounds gain you a boyfriend?

I have a weird question and I don’t know if anyone can really answer it. After years of being heavy… no, really, I was fat…I’ve turned my life around and gotten in shape. A nutritionist, 5 times a week at the gym and a lot of sweat later, I’ve lost 110 pounds. I’m now lean and living an entirely new life… and finding myself unprepared for the attention I get from men. Even though I’m 29 I’ve never really dated and I don’t know how to respond to flirting. It’s also hard not to resent these guys too because I know that 110 pounds ago they wouldn’t have given me the time of day. How do I make up for all those years of not being in the dating pool with everyone else?

Is Ex-Sex right for you?

My ex and I split up about 2 and a half months ago after a year and a half of being together. We broke up because he wasn’t taking our relationship seriously enough for me, canceling plans at the last minute and not being attentive. He is only the third person I’ve ever slept with. I know he’s seeing a couple people casually now but I haven’t been seeing anyone and I’m getting lonely. The last couple times I went out to the bars I really wanted to call him and see if he wanted to just hook up. My friends have talked me out of it, but I don’t think it’s a bad idea because I know it’ll be good and I feel safe with him and it’ll keep me satisfied until I find someone new. Who’s right?”