Ru in Review: A New Queen is Crowned

Executive Director of PhillyGayCalendar

Hey drag racers! RuPaul has chosen America’s next drag superstar.

Sashay: Well ladyboys, it’s over. RuPaul has done it again. Done fucked up another season finale of Drag Race by choosing the wrong queen.

Chante: RAJA, RAJA, RAJA!!! I couldn’t disagree more. I was a fan from day one and couldn’t be more happy about our new reigning bitch! But then, I would’ve been pleased with Manila as well. They were both the fiercest queens of them all.

Sashay: Please Chante, Raja was the Taylor Hicks of this competition. And RuPaul should be beheaded for thinking she’s Heidi Klum. Bitch, this is not Project Runway. A queen should know more than just how to sew a button.

Chante: Hateful. Just plain hateful. Raja had more than the ability to sew…she knew how to sell her product…which was fierceness!

Sashay: Raja couldn’t even transform her voice. A real queen needs to be an illusionist and an entertainer. She fell as flat as her chest.

Chante: What I loved about Raja wasn’t about her voice or flat chest. It was that she sold each and every look and owned the runway every time she walked it. She was probably one of the older ones there, but had the experience that deserved recognition.

Sashay: Not once did I think, “This bitch is funny.” Certainly not as funny as Raven or Jujubee from last season. Raja is too much like Tyra Sanchez, who was also unworthy of the crown. One would think celebrating queens would be more about diversity, not just about choosing the best seamstress with the most MAN-ish sounding voice.

Chante: Tyra Sanchez was talentless trash who should’ve never won. The only comparison between the two was their voice. Raja is nothing like Tyra. She truly had charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent.

Sashay: Is RuPaul too insecure to crown a real queen? Every season a shining star is overlooked in favor of a lesser queen. Perhaps we should overthrow Ru and let Nina Flowers run this mutha-

Chante: The only part of that statement that I’ll agree with is that Nina Flowers is amazing. She could totally take over for RuPaul.

Sashay: In other news, what a slap in the face for Manila who won the last two challenges. Both she and Alexis came correct EVERY week. Still, it was obvious by episode three that RuPaul was going to choose Raja simply because of her well-tailored costumes and celebrity connections.

Chante: Raja had what it took to win…and you know what…she did. So take that all you haters! Raja is our queen bee!

Sashay: And another thing, why doesn’t Ru ever have other queens on her panel? Though Michelle Visage looks like a man, she’s not a drag queen. I hope that bitch gets the ax. I don’t want to see her mean mug next season. So many talented queens have been through these doors, yet RuPaul couldn’t find one to be a co-judge? Once again, I think she’s afraid of being upstaged.

Chante: Agreed. One of the ex-contestants needs to be on that panel of judges next year. Michelle Visage is just terrible.

Sashay: Well, that’s all bitches. We hope you enjoyed our column. And remember, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna READ somebody else? Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

Chante: Amen!

Read Related Posts...