Guy I: “Let’s say that after drinking all night with a buddy, you woke up in a tent with your pants down and a sore butt, would you tell anyone”?

Guy II: “Fuck NO”! …

Guy I: (smiling) “Want to go camping”?

No offence to the boys from Brokeback Mountain and all those who enjoyed the heat/drama of the film, me included, but in my “Real World”, waking up on a rock in yesterday’s clothes in an unheated tent is not something I dream about. My morning piss into snow or an icy stream is just not my idea of the proverbial “erection lasting more than four hours”. But, that’s just me. 

Trading a “Brokeback” for a “Camelback”, I thought I would take you about one of my favorite and most extraordinary, just plain sexy areas in our magnificent United States of America. (God bless us!) Living in the north eastern part of our country, we do have to consider the vast space that we as American’s actually do have available to us. In Europe the differences between France and Italy is expected, respected and celebrated. Why some Americans want everyone near them homogenized (no pun intended) I have no clue. Everyone in the US should NOT speak the same language nor should they all think the same way. How boring would that be? I am not keen on many different types of people but I respect their right to their views. I will simply move away from the “stench”.

I like to think of Arizona as another “country”. Like Alaska or Hawaii, Arizona is totally different than Philadelphia, Pennsylvania yet a part of the same “whole” which is our United States of America. Arizona is every bit as scenic, interesting and individually/culturally unique as any part of the planet you can think of: hot, dry, clean, with clear skies and a blazing sun much of the year. It can get unbearably hot at noon but even in summer, desert nights are simply sensational. The moon and stars dance to a completely different choreographer than ours. Just awesome!

Back to my “Camelback Mountain”… set up scene: My buddy and I are both from the east coast, professional big city dwellers. Neither of us are “girly-men” but are not expert campers/outdoorsmen either and had never really thought much about cowboys, log fires, swilling whisky from the bottle and all the rest of it though it all sounded like something we would like. While the outdoor romantic aspects of camping in the Wyoming wilderness appealed (as in the film), the reality of “critters” and so forth did not. We then looked for a more civilized form of an outdoor experience with no relation to the shore/Poconos or anywhere else nearby. We wanted to capture our own “manly-memories” in a place that was ours, unique, memorable. The “Universe” blessed us with Arizona!

The “country of Arizona” sits like something right out of Alice’s Wonderland in the lower south western part of America, gently touching Mexico.  Arizona is every bit as “American” as Philadelphia but in a much different manner. To me, what is more “American” than the “rough and tumble” American Cowboy or Girl? Plaid, casually open snap-closed shirt, snug jeans, THE hat, the swagger … Maybe it’s just me but the image is hot/American/original, which are my favorite kind.

 Arizona is the ultimate journey through desert changing to red rock mountains and eventually (one of the World’s Wonders, The Grand Canyon). The colors by day or night are unforgettable. Bright stars after sundown in an inky sky so big and close that you think you could reach up and mix then around with your hands! There are a couple of good sized, sophisticated cities in Arizona and outrageously upscale resort areas. Although rather dry (“It’s a dry heat”) I once had a group to a truly magnificent resort in Scottsdale. (One of several) We rafted and tubed the “Great Salt River” (a rather slow moving fat stream really) and everyone was “armed” with water pistols of all shapes, sizes, power. Sounds dumb, I know but it was really hilarious and people still talk about “Hey remember that time with the rafts and squirt guns in Arizona”? They won’t always get the details right but they will remember who they were with and who made it happen. Used as motivation, these trips are priceless.

Because my passion for my work sometimes makes me “long-winded” I am going to talk about only two of my favorite areas in the country of Arizona even though the entire state is worthy of mention and changes from all angles/all directions. (Sorry Sedona, I will speak of you another time)

TUCSON: I guess Jack and Ennis should have looked into a life together in this special mixture of Spanish, Mexican, Native American and Anglo American. Gays and Lesbians simply fit in nicely here. There is so much diversity the “haters” are generally scared away. Honestly “Gay-Friendly” Tucson is a truism in this case. The way I understand it, even though Tucson is socially conservative, it’s Libertarian streak reigns supreme. Tucson is the first city in Arizona to enact a domestic partner registry law. Tucson “Pride” will be celebrated this October 12 and this is its 36^th year!

In addition to this, what I love about Tucson is its authentic “western” feel. “Raw Hide” and all that “Chaps” business. (I guess it’s a “guy thing”) If you are a vegetarian you will definitely be challenged but for a guy who really admires a beautiful piece of meat on occasion, Tucson is the paragon.

Many films have used the studios around Tucson. The constant sun and clean desert air are very good for movie making. The Arizona landscape is known for its Saguaro Cactus too and this is the only place on Earth they are found. Able to live to 150 years and grow to a height of 50 feet weighing in at 10 tons, most are much smaller and just lovely, especially when in bloom. As the dawn slowly opens one eye, to be on horseback in the desert witnessing Cactus blossoms pearly with dew is probably one of the most awesome sights the universe allows. Or, maybe that’s just me.

A great feature of visiting Tucson is that she sits on the Mexican Border. You get a bit of that Tijuana (Nogales) feeling without being bombarded or scared! You can also buy almost anything, really cheap. BONUS!

PHOENIX/SCOTTSDALE: About 120 miles northwest of Tucson is the sophisticated side of the modern west. Very Palm Springs- luxury/like, Scottsdale lies in the “Valley of the Sun” at the base of Camelback and Mummy Mountains. It is an extravagant Mecca of Southwestern opulence. On the outskirts of the dessert city of Phoenix the “yellow brick road” leads to the shining resort city of Scottsdale, Arizona with its jig-saw puzzle of elegant hotels, spas, golf courses and pools. They are some of the world’s finest, one after the other for miles and miles with some pretty awesome architecture too. There is an Andrew Lloyd Wright museum to attest to that. The Arizona Biltmore based on designs by A.L.Wright is just gorgeous, been around a long time and I could show you where Marilyn Monroe used to swim.

 Scottsdale’s resorts are Gay-Friendly, ultramodern, state of the art and visually stunning. This follows Mr. Wright’s lead in showcasing low-rise elegant buildings against a natural dessert backdrop. The play of color, architecture with a natural base/backdrop is just extraordinary in my book. On a side note, some time look up the history/biography of one of the most renowned American architects ever. It reads like an episode of American Horror Story.  I kid you not.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Arizona, The Grand Canyon State boasts the world’s most breathtaking scenery. Arizona, especially Tucson and Phoenix/ Scottsdale are everything you could ever want in an American South West adventure/vacation. There is much, much more to see and experience in addition. My “Brokeback Buddy” and I stayed at the Phoenician in Scottsdale (Fabulous) for a couple of nights, a “dude ranch” near Tucson and then spent two very manly and eventful nights in a hired tent in the dessert. Have you ever thought that the stars were shining extra brightly in an onyx sky just for the two of you?  We will NEVER forget Arizona and for all the right reasons, at least in our opinion. Sometimes “Don’t ask/don’t tell” is a better policy.