Hey kids,

Well it’s that time of year yet again. Trees are being chopped down and either destroyed after two weeks of holiday decor, or to make millions of yards of tactfully decorated wrapping paper to be sold at the 24 – hour CVS at 5 am to the last minute, shopping masses.

Balls are hung (tee – hee), bank accounts are closed out while shopping to show loved ones we see once a year how much we care, and a big, fat guy in a red suit breaks into our house and eats our cookies while we sleep.

Yay it’s Xmas!

As a Catholic – raised, Jewish – Italian (yes, CCD and Hebrew School…really Mary?), my take on religious holidays is a little warped. All I remember about Xmas is that if Jesus sees his shadow we get six more weeks of winter, then he delivers eggs to all the good boys and girls and leaves a dollar under their pillow when they lose a tooth.

And don’t even get me started on Chanukah this year – First week of December? Why not put it in July next year so no one knows about it – the only thing my family exchanged for Chanukah this year was dirty looks. Fellow Jews, talk to the guy who does scheduling (I think it’s Speilberg or Streisand) and move it back to the same week as Xmas so at least it gets a blurb on the 10 o’clock news.

In the spirit of the holidays I asked the gay royale of the Gayborhood who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, and what they hope to find under their tree this holiday season.

As for me, I’ve been good – and that sucks huge, mastodon balls – and it really needs to change. I think a four day binge at the next Alegria should shake things up a bit – I’ll keep you kids informed.

Under my tree, well bush, I would just like to find that amazing, multicolored, shag vest Miss Michael Musto wore to the Mr. Gay International Pageant we had at Voyeur a few weeks back. And a set of the late Bea Arthur’s shoulder pads…

Here’s the naughty and nice list and what the kids are asking for this year…

Lisa Lisa (Thursday Night host of Bob and Barbara’s Weekly Drag Show) – DEFINITELY NAUGHTY – "a sexy man…"

John Caputo (Former Mr. Gay Philadelphia Title Holder and Manager of Q Lounge) – NICE – "a big, rugged man with just a bow…" Editor’s note: Word on the street is Santa may have delivered early this year for ya Miss Caputo…big? Well he’s tall. Rugged? Well… I won’t name names, you and Frank DeCaro can fight over him…

Tommy Hair (Bartender at Tavern on Camac and Drag Business Woman "Crystal Electra") – "Well I’ve been nice with a little mix of naughty all year, and I wouldn’t mind finding my next future ex wrapped under my tree!"

Carl Michaels (Legendary DJ and Daytime Adult Film Critic) – "I’ve been moody and I want to find the Jackie Collins Collection under the tree…"

Frank DeCaro (Sirrus Radio Host/ Comedian Extroidinnairre/ My Favorite Co – Host for any Event) – "I’ve been naughty and deserve a good spanking. Preferably from Idris Elba who was so damned sexy on "Luther" on BBC America. That would not only teach me a lesson, but would also be present enough!"

Michael Raz (Bartender at Tavern on Camac & Angelica Houston Impersonator in Drag) – "Well you know I am always nice…just play naughty…I’d like a lover to call my own – not to share with openly or any other horse shit…"

You know, Miss Raz always charms me with her holiday cheer…

Joey Arzillo (Hair Diva Extroidinnaire and Bartender who may serve a drink on occasion at Q Lounge) – NICE (well that’s what she’s claiming anyways) – "A man!"

Sandy Beach (Bartender at Venture Inn/ Creator of Miss’d America) – Naughty – "I want to join a group of cloggers and tour the Middle East and watch them try to tap dance on sand…"

Kyle Stoudnour (Bartender at Tavern on Camac & Uncles/ Member of the Philadelphia Business Womenz Association) – "Naughty!" Editor’s Note – Kyle was unable to understand the full question but said I could answer for him…Kyle would like the deed to Uncle and Tavern in the hopes that, in owning both places, he would be able to finish an entire shift…

Tre Rios (Professional Wine Taster and Jameson Whisky Aficionado/ OM Voyeur and Woody’s) – "I’m always naughty – I’m hardly nice, and I want more than 12 inches, I mean 12 shiny things under the tree…"

Apparently there seems to be a shortage of good, available mens here in the gay hood. You know what they say, the only good tops in Philly are the drag queens – my phone lines are open kids…

Have a GAY holiday everyone!

Love and lashes,

Brittany Lynn
http://www.myspace.com/ianlovesit