Hey bitches, Sharon won!

Sashay: Score one for Sashay! My prediction was correct!

Chante: Long live Sharon Needles!

Sashay: I thought I wouldn’t live long enough to see a white queen get crowned on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Chante: And this one’s as white as a ghost… BOO!

Sashay: Boo’s are just cheers from ghosts.

Chante: Well I must say, I truly thought Chad Michaels would take the crown. It just seemed to me that Ru was leaning in his direction. In either case, Sharon was certainly deserving of the win. I bet Phi Phi and her snaggle tooth were fuming.

Sashay: Speaking of Phi Phi… Although her tooth is cray cray and appears to be trying to jump ship, I think she’s a beautiful queen (on the outside). However, what was with her get-up last night?

Chante: Ooo girl. What. A. Mess. Her hair looked like it should’ve been served on a stick at a baseball game. Cotton candy anyone?

Sashay: More like a Q-tip with a booger stuck on it. But at least she admitted she was crazy. If you’re gonna go for crazy-chic couture, then rock it and don’t Rupologize for it.

Chante: Speaking of Willam’s wit, I adored her outfit last night. She served unicorn fierceness.

Sashay: She is a funny bitch. But how do you get fired for fucking your boyfriend? If I had gotten fired for every time I fucked Willam’s boyfriend while on the job, I’d be back to mopping up the floors at the Bike Stop.

Chante: Fer real. Ejection from the competition for conjugal visits? Come on Ru…let a queen get hers!

Sashay: Halleloo! No wonder Willam didn’t care what Phi Phi said. That girl was gettin’ it in!

Chante: Yes hontey! Get yours Willam.

Sashay: And how about Latrice winning Miss Congeniality?

Chante: As if there was anyone else who could’ve possibly deserved it more than her.

Sashay: Agreed. I look forward to seeing her on Drag U, even though I never watch that show.

Chante: Yes – to our tens of readers – we will not be watching or writing about Drag U.

Sashay: Until they start dragifying men. I have no desire to see a soccer mom turned into a drag queen. They always end up looking like Porkchop.

Chante: So let’s talk about what Raja was wearing in the audience. Girl, first and foremost, I love you…and generally, you can do no wrong in my eyes…but what the fuck was that? I’m sorry, but you are not lady gaga. You looked like a crazy muppet.

Sashay: As per usual. For our readers who didn’t spot her, she was the man in the mask. At least she did us all a favor and covered her fug-mug.

Chante: Ok Sashay. We get it. You hate Raja. Now calm the hell down.

Sashay: Well, I will say that although this season had some lame challenges, I enjoyed the girls more overall.

Chante: Outside of Sharon, Chad and Latrice, I’mma have to go ahead and disagree. I thought the queens this year had nothing on last year’s queens. This season was a drag…and not in a good way.

Sashay: Well, I did say overall. There was of course the matter of Jiggly Caliente. Girlfriend, Ru said the BEST America has to offer, not the BEAST America has to offer. And get that lollipop outta your mouth. Don’t you know that shit will make your teeth rot and fall out?

Chante: Girl it’s too late. Her teeth… are BUSTED.

Sashay: Damn!

Chante: Yes girl, another season has come to an end. I will miss our weekly chats…or bitch fests is more like it.

Sashay: Well Chante, nine months until season 5.

Chante: Less – Drag Race All Stars is next!

Sashay: Can I get an Amen?

Chante: I say AMEN!